


My Plants Are Dead

by transdimensional_void



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Fluff, House Plants, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 18:58:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11363589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transdimensional_void/pseuds/transdimensional_void
Summary: Dan hires plant-sitter!Phil to look after his plants while he's gone on holiday, but things don't go quite to plan...Title from "My Plants Are Dead" by Blonde Redhead





	My Plants Are Dead

**Author's Note:**

> It's been so long since I've posted anything, but the idea for this fic just wouldn't leave me alone. I hope you all enjoy it! <3
> 
> Note: This fic contains emoji, so I recommend you don't hide the creator's style.

“Okay, so, we’ve got the tall one in the corner—“ Dan said, pointing back over his shoulder toward the hallway.

 

“The Areca Palm, yes,” the lanky man with the dyed-black hair chimed in with a huge smile. He was right at Dan’s heels, following with great attention the guided tour of Dan’s house plants.

 

“Oh, is that what it is?” Dan asked. He knew the person in the gardening section at the home goods store had told him the name of the plant when he’d bought it, but of course he’d forgotten ages ago. “So, yes, there’s that one. And then there are the three guys on the windowsill,” — he waved a hand toward the three tiny cactuses in their matching matte black pots — “and the large terrarium.” He gestured toward the glass and copper dodecahedron sat in a far corner of the lounge.

 

“Full of some lovely succulents I see,” the other man said in his slight Northern accent. Dan glanced toward him and offered his best attempt at a friendly grin. The guy had come with high praise from a co-worker who had previously engaged his plant-sitting services. Dan wondered for the millionth time whether actually paying someone to come take care of his plants for him while he was away on holiday was the final proof that he was an overpaid hipster. Maybe he should have just accepted that was the reality when he first found himself excitedly purchasing not one but _three_ terraria — and no, he wasn’t going to apologize for using the correct Latin plural.

 

“Yep,” Dan agreed. “You’ve already seen the two up in the office, and of course there’s the jade plant in the bedroom. And…I think that’s it!”

 

The man, whose name Dan was now realizing he could no longer remember, opened his mouth a little and then closed it as though he had changed his mind about whatever he’d been going to say.

 

“Great!” he replied with such a genuinely bright smile that Dan thought he must have been imagining the hesitation.

 

Dan returned the smile, though it felt forced. Where did this guy manage to find so much enthusiasm for life? Why wasn’t he as broken and dead inside as every other millennial Dan knew?

 

“Great,” Dan echoed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the spare key. “There’s that, and you have my number in case any emergency comes up.”

 

The man took the key and nodded, and then his eyebrows shot up and he shoved a hand into his pocket. It reappeared a second later holding his phone.

 

“Let me send you a text so you’ll have my number too,” he explained, attention focused on the screen.

 

Dan stood in silence as the man typed out the text with long, pale fingers. His hands were rather pretty, Dan noted before being distracted by the man’s eyes darting up to meet his again.

 

“Sent it,” he said.

 

Dan felt the vibration in his pocket at the same moment the other man’s eyes met his. They were blue, mostly, but with some splotches of green and even yellow mixed in.

 

He tore his gaze away and pulled his own phone out. When his eyes alighted on the text shining across the screen, an idea occurred to him. He swiped right on the text message, and then clicked to create a new contact.

 

“So, how do you spell your name again?” he asked, looking up with a polite smile. He couldn’t believe what a sneaky genius he was.

 

The man blinked at him.

 

“Oh,” he stammered out after a moment. “It’s just, um, P-H-I-L.”

 

Dan felt a part of his soul wither and die. Fuck. He’d just pretended not to know how to spell fucking “Phil.” Yes, absolute _genius_. He stared hard at his phone screen as he punched the name in, wishing it were longer so that he had an extra second to recover. He decided to add in “Plant Guy” in parentheses after. It would serve as a cue for his future self when he scrolled through and wondered how he knew a Phil.

 

He must’ve fiddled with his phone for a bit too long because he heard Phil clearing his throat and then saying, “Well, I guess I’d better get going.”

 

“Ah, yes, okay,” Dan spluttered, trying to simultaneously shake the guy’s hand and shove his phone back into his pocket.

 

Phil took his hand in a firm clasp, shook it once, and then dropped it.

 

“I’ll walk you out,” Dan said, pushing past him toward the lounge door.

 

Phil followed in silence, slipping out as soon as Dan opened the front door of his apartment. They stood staring at one another for a moment, Dan trying to think of the least-awkward way to bid an absolute stranger good-bye.

 

“Well, bon voyage!” Phil said at last with a little wave.

 

“Ha, thanks,” Dan replied. “Same to you.”

 

Then he closed the door and immediately dropped his face into his hand. Shit fucking damn. _Same to you?_ _SAME TO YOU?_

 

He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was fine. This guy probably hadn’t even noticed the mistake, and even if he had, he was just a plant-sitter that Dan wouldn’t have to seen again for another month. By then, surely, the shame of this moment would have passed.

 

As he made his way back up to his lounge, Dan tried to re-focus his thoughts on the relaxing month of vacation he had to look forward to.

 

It was the first time in ages he was giving himself a proper holiday. He’d worked his ass off over the past few years to achieve a moderate level of success as a BBC Radio 1 DJ. He now had his own time slot hosting the Sunday evening request show, and for the first time in his life, he felt he could really pause for a moment and catch his breath. He still might not have taken the holiday if his producer hadn’t suggested it.

 

“You’ve earned it, Dan,” Aled had told him with a friendly pat on the arm. Dan’s arm had probably been the most accessible part of him for the diminutive producer. “Not to mention the big bosses are really starting to crack down on people not using all their paid leave days. Take the holiday, Dan. You’d suit a tan.” He had accompanied this last comment with a wink. (Dan might’ve felt weirder about this if he hadn’t attended Aled’s wedding last year and seen how glowingly happy he and his partner were to finally be marrying after fifteen years together.)

 

So, he’d sat down in front of the computer and spent an evening browsing Trip Advisor and finally put together a month-long sojourn at a resort in the Bahamas. Tanning on a tropical beach wasn’t exactly his style, but the place he’d booked promised lots of snorkeling, scuba diving, eco-tourism, and cultural experiences in addition to the usual lazy beach fun. He hated having to go alone, but despite his social awkwardness, he’d always had a knack for casually chatting with strangers on holiday. And, hey, maybe he would even meet someone.

 

He snorted, flopping down on his sofa and pulling his laptop into his lap. Fat chance of that. He flipped the laptop open, pulled up Reddit, and settled in for a long evening of internetting. With his bags packed and every last-minute chore already taken care of, there was pretty much nothing else for him to do. Hopefully if he got enough internet time in now, he wouldn’t feel so tempted to hole up in his hotel room and spend all of his holiday on the internet as well.

 

 

**

 

 

The first text arrived exactly two hours after he had set his bags down in his hotel room at the resort. The trip here had gone reasonably well. He’d made his flight on time with only a minimal amount of panicking that he’d forgotten something important. He’d slept some on the plane, and once he’d gotten to the resort, everything was just as the Trip Advisor reviews had promised. He’d breathed a huge sigh of relief to discover that he hadn’t found himself in the hotel from _The Shining_ or something.

 

He’d unpacked his bags, folding all his clothes away neatly into the chest of drawers or hanging them in the closet, and then gone for a shower to wash away the grimy residue of travel.

 

His phone buzzed just as he stepped back into the bedroom from the steamed-up bathroom. He ignored it, assuming it was only something like a message from the mobile provider about how many minutes he had on the SIM card he’d bought at the airport.

 

A few minutes later, though, as he was checking his shirt and shorts combo in the closet mirror, it buzzed again.

 

Sighing, he walked over to where he’d left it charging on the bedside table and picked it up.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_Never mind! Found it behind the rum (Wine Glass ) _ _ha ha_

 

**_Phil_** **_(Plant Guy)_**

_Apologies for bothering you, but I can’t find the plant food (Seedling ) (Baby Bottle )  _ _in the fridge?_

 

 

Dan frowned in mild disgust and then typed out a reply without really thinking about it.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_wine glass emoji for rum? really?_

 

 

It was only after he’d hit send that he read the text back and wondered if it was weird to casually banter with someone he barely knew. He stood there in the balmy air of his hotel room, mind racing, trying to think how to repair the damage. 

 

His phone buzzed again. Too late.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_well it was that, the beer (Beer Mug ) _ _, or the sake (Sake Bottle And Cup ≊ Sake) (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Tightly-Closed Eyes ) _

 

 

Dan snorted. This guy had used an actual XD face emoji unironically. He was way too excited about life to be real.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_we need to write a letter demanding apple cater to our liquor bottle emoji needs_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_drafting it now!_

 

 

With a grin and a roll of the eyes, Dan laid his phone back on the bedside table and wandered into the bathroom to do something about his damp rat’s nest of a hairstyle.

 

 

**

 

 

The second text came on the fourth day of his trip. In an attempt to “unplug,” he’d left his cell phone up in his room for extended periods of time during those first few days of the trip. So, after coming back from a long evening at the hotel pool — that perhaps involved a few fruity alcoholic beverages from the swim-up bar and couple of flirty looks from a guy in floral-print swimming trunks — he’d come back to his room to find a text from about an hour before.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_there’s a really angry dog outside keeping me from your front door. tried getting in for an hour, but i’m gonna give up and try again tomorrow. sorry to your planties. (Person Bowing Deeply ≊ Person Bowing)(Cactus ) (Herb ) _

 

 

Dan cast his eyes toward the ceiling, trying to remember if anyone in his neighborhood had a dog that could’ve gotten loose. He’d seen a few people out walking dogs before, though all the ones he could think of were of the tiny, un-intimidating variety. He shrugged, tossing the phone back down on his freshly-made bed. Must be a stray.

 

He didn’t think much about it until several days later when he came back from a day of snorkeling to find yet another text from his plant-sitter.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_okay, finally managed to get into the apartment. had to buy some dog treats to bribe the mongrel. i think we’re actually friends now! (Dog Face )(Growing Heart )_

 

 

Frowning down at the message, Dan counted up the days since the previous text — six. Did that mean that his poor plants had gone an entire six days without any attention?

 

 

**_Me_ **

_glad you haven’t been eaten alive. how are my plants?_

 

 

It had been five hours since the text from Phil, so he wasn’t surprised that he didn’t get a response until several hours later. He’d just gotten in from another tipsy night at the pool bar, where Floral Trunks Guy had finally ended the long-distance flirtation by paddling over and introducing himself as Lyle from Kentucky. His thick, Southern U.S. accent had been disconcerting but not exactly unpleasant, and they’d ended up having what Dan considered a successful chat before the staff had come round to say the pool was closing for the night.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_i’m gonna be honest, areca’s looking a tad wilty, but i think they’re all gonna pull through! (Herb )(Hospital ) _

 

 

“I bloody hope so,” Dan muttered to the empty room, his words slightly slurred. “Otherwise what am I paying you for?”

 

He didn’t write that, though. It wasn’t poor Phil’s fault that a random stray dog had interfered with his duties. Dan felt a little guilty, actually, that he hadn’t offered any further help. He could have tried to contact the local RSPCA for Phil or something, at least. He’d kind of forgotten Phil had texted him about the dog thing almost as soon as he’d set his phone down. Oops. Meanwhile, Phil had apparently been battling this wild beast daily in his quest to gain access to Dan’s plants.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_i’ll be praying for her swift recovery (Church )_

 

He set his phone down on the dresser and then stumbled to the shower to rinse off all the chlorine and maybe spend a few naked, alcohol-soaked minutes fantasizing about what might happen if he got up the courage to invite Lyle from Kentucky up to his room.

 

 

In the morning, there was another text from Phil waiting for him.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_Really, really sorry, Dan, but it looks like your “special” plants upstairs might be done for. I guess they need pretty constant watering. I’m so, so sorry. I’m not familiar with caring for those kinds of plants, so I guess I fluffed it up. You can take their cost out of my pay. Just let me know how much. (Disappointed Face )_

 

 

Dan, a little hung over and full of regret that he’d scheduled a 10:00 AM glass-bottomed boat tour, read the text several times, feeling completely lost.

 

Stumped by it even after the fifth read-through, he finally gave up, dropping the phone onto the bed and focusing on forcing himself to get up and dress for the day instead. All day, the text sat in the back of his mind, perplexing him every time the memory of it floated to the surface. What “special” plants could Phil possibly mean? There were his three terraria, the palm in the hallway, the three cactuses, the jade plant… He shook his head, squinting against the glare of sunlight off the clear, blue water and then slid his sunglasses back down onto his nose. He could worry about it later.

 

In fact, he did not end up worrying about it until much later — about three days later, to be exact.

 

After returning from the really quite breathtaking glass-bottomed boat tour, he showered and napped and went down to supper. Then he made his way to the pool again, where he found Lyle from Kentucky already waiting for him, and after a couple of hours of conversation and a few cocktails, the two of them finally exchanged phone numbers — and a bit of saliva. Actually, a fair amount of saliva. Lyle from Kentucky was a slightly moister kisser than Dan had been hoping for. Still, it was pretty hot (the dazzling night sky, perfect temperature, and distant murmur of the ocean helped).

 

The next day he left on a two-day overnight excursion to a nature preserve. While there, he exchanged a few saucy texts with his new fling, and seeing Phil’s name in his recents, he did think once or twice that he should text him back eventually, but there were far more interesting things to think about, such as the gorgeous foliage and strange wildlife (and the mouth-watering dick in the picture Lyle texted him during his overnight stay).

 

As soon as he got back to his room at the resort and had a shower, he pulled out his phone and, trying not to think too hard about it, snapped a corresponding picture to reply to Lyle with.

 

He was on the verge of texting it to him when he thought better of it. The sun was still up, and Lyle might be out and about somewhere. Better to wait until the evening when he was more likely to be alone to savor Dan’s cheeky message.

 

He was about to set his phone aside when he saw Phil’s name again in his past texts and felt a guilty twinge. All right, all right. He should respond to him about the mysterious “special” plants already. He typed out the text as he made his way over to the dresser to grab an outfit for the evening.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_not sure which plants you mean, actually. don’t worry too much about it. we’ll sort it out when i get back. cheers!_

 

 

He was just pressing the send button when his right foot encountered the shoes he'd discarded in the middle of the floor, and he stumbled forward, almost crashing into the dresser. He just managed to catch himself by flinging out his right hand and bracing himself against it instead.

 

“Phew,” he breathed, standing up straight and then looking down to try again to send the text to Phil.

 

His heart stopped when he saw the screen.

 

Not only had he already sent the text, but somehow his finger had managed to attach a photo. His most recent photo, in fact. The photo of his dick.

 

His hand flew up to his mouth.

 

“Oh god,” he mumbled against his palm. “Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no.”

 

Delete. He needed to delete it, quickly, now, before Phil had even—

 

“No,” he half-screamed into his hand. The three little dots had popped up at the bottom of the screen. Phil was typing a response. Phil had seen his message. He had seen Dan’s dick, and he was typing a response.

 

“Fu-uck,” Dan whispered. Fuckity fucking shit fuck. He shook his head. He needed to delete it and apologize, quick, make sure Phil wasn’t getting the wrong idea.

 

He tapped on the image, searched frantically for the delete option, found it, clicked it, and then began pounding out an apology, hoping to god he could beat Phil to it: _I’m so sorry. That was completely accidental. I meant to send that to someone el—_

 

No. Better not to admit that. He tapped the backspace button several times.

 

_I’m so sorry. That was completely accidental. I promise I’m not the sort to send unsolicited dick pics to complete stra—_

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_Thanks for being so understanding about the untimely demise of your plants. I promise all the rest of them are doing really well! Flourishing, in fact! I’m guessing that picture was an accident, right? (See-No-Evil Monkey )_

 

“Fuck!” Dan yelled aloud to the empty room. _Well_ , he thought a moment later, _at least he seemed to understand it was just an accident._

 

He drew in a deep breath and then finished typing his message.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_I’m so sorry. That was completely accidental. I promise I’m not the sort to send unsolicited dick pics to complete strangers. I’ve deleted it, so I hope you’re not having to see it anymore? Really, really sorry._

 

 

God, he’d never had to type anything so cringeworthy ever before in his life. The worst thing was, no matter how much he apologized or how many times Phil said he understood, the guy still knew exactly what Dan’s penis looked like now.

 

What must Phil be thinking of him? He considered how he might feel if things had been reversed, if this random guy he’d hired to water his plants had just accidentally texted him a picture of his dick. Now that he thought of it, Phil _was_ pretty tall. He wondered just how bi— No, no, no, holy _hell_ why would his brain go there?

 

He shook his head and looked down at his phone again. There was already another reply.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_No worries. I’ve completely erased it from my brain. Zap! (High Voltage Sign ≊ High Voltage) (Skull )_

 

 

Against his will, Dan laughed.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_did it kill you??_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_oops. may have set the brain zapper voltage too high. i’m actually typing this as a ghost. (Ghost )_

 

 

Dan snorted another laugh and rolled his eyes. 

 

 

**_Me_ **

_i guess you can haunt my flat if you want, as long as you still remember to water the plants._

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_probably worse places i could haunt. i accept your kind offer. (Ghost ) (Briefcase )(Black Rightwards Arrow ≊ Right Arrow) (House Building )_

 

 

He never ended up texting Lyle from Kentucky the dick pic. After dinner, he went down to the pool at once and found him already there — making out with some guy in a speedo. His first, heated instinct was to march up and demand an explanation, but the anger passed almost as quickly as it had come. This guy was never going to be anything more than a random holiday hook-up anyway, no matter how juicy of a dick he had. He wasn’t worth getting upset over.

 

Instead of causing a dramatic scene, Dan pointedly ignored the hot-and-heavy couple and swam over to the bar, ordered his usual mojito, and then made it a point to flirt with every single person who indicated even the slightest interest in him.

 

By the end of the night, he’d gotten no fewer than three phone numbers as well as two separate invitations up to people’s hotel rooms. (The second had even come from a married couple who were looking for an adventurous third, so really that should count as two.) He declined all invitations, though. He simply wasn’t the one night stand sort. He’d just about worked himself up to having sex with Lyle, but that had taken an entire week of flirtation.

 

So the night ended with him in his hotel room, alone again with his hand and a vague fantasy of hooking up with someone ( _not_ Lyle) with a really nice cock.

 

 

**

 

 

The next text from Phil arrived near the beginning of the third week of his vacation. To Dan’s disappointment, none of his new flirts were panning out. He’d texted the people he’d gotten numbers from, but without the effects of alcohol, they’d turned out to be really boring. In fact, most of the people he was meeting at the resort seemed pretty boring. Even looking back over his conversations and texts with Lyle, it struck him how little they’d really had in common. He concluded that he’d just been blinded by a very nice set of bare abs.

 

Needless to say, by the beginning of the third week, he was still thoroughly enjoying the tropical location and the interesting excursions, but the lack of companionship had begun to wear on him.

 

This was a day he didn't have anything in particular planned, so after a late breakfast, he’d wandered down to the beach and found a shady spot to spread a towel and lie down with a book. He’d started giving in and bringing his phone out with him sometime during the second week. At least having the possibility of texting friends and family back home made him feel a little less isolated.

 

He was halfway through the book — a trashy novel with way too many acrobatic sex scenes between the main characters to be fully believable — when his phone buzzed.

 

He tossed the book aside at once and grabbed up his phone.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_I may have possibly broken one of your terrariums, but I promise I’ll buy you a new one. I think the plants are fine! I’ve transplanted them to a pot for now._

 

 

Attached was a picture of three of his succulents nestled in fresh dirt inside a terra cotta pot. He knew he should be mad. Really, he should be furious. He’d hired this guy for the specific purpose of keeping his plants safe while he was away, and he’d already killed some and endangered the lives of others. Somehow, though, Dan found that instead of being furious, he was laughing. How accident-prone could one person be?

 

 

**_Me_ **

_that terrarium was from the finest of hipster websites and cost me at least £40. i’ll have your plant-sitting license for this!_

 

 

And then immediately after, to make sure Phil knew he was only joking:

 

 

**_Me_ **

_don’t worry about it, really. i actually broke one of my terraria on the very first day i bought it. at least this one lasted longer._

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_i still feel awful. you can deduct that from my pay as well. (Pensive Face )_

 

**_Me_ **

_it’s really no big deal. you don’t have to pay me back for it._

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_are you sure? let me make it up to you some other way then!_

 

 

Dan didn’t know why those words should cause his mind to conjure up an image of Phil in his bed, lying flat on his back while Dan climbed on top of him. Yet all at once the scene was appearing quite vividly in his imagination.

 

He shook it away. Why had he gotten so horny lately? Must just be because it had been awhile since he’d last gotten off with anyone. He was on the verge of typing out another reassurance that he didn’t need any kind of repayment when another text from Phil appeared.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_i heard you on the radio, by the way. i guess i shouldn’t be surprised since i already knew you were a dj, but when your voice came on i was really shocked! ha ha (Radio ) (Face With Open Mouth )_

 

 

He let out an audible sigh of relief. Thank goodness Phil had changed the subject on his own.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_i get that reaction a surprising amount, even from family members who’ve known about my career for years. probably the shock of being assaulted by my stupid winnie the pooh voice when you aren’t prepared for it._

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_i think you have a great voice. sounds very friendly but still professional on the radio. i may have kind of bragged to the people i was with that i knew you. oops. (Speak-No-Evil Monkey )_

 

 

Dan chuckled, settling back more comfortably against the towel and digging his toes more deeply into the soft sand.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_you sound properly star-struck. guess you’ll be wanting my autograph once i get back? (Winking Face )_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_actually, i kind of do? i hope that’s not weird, but i think it’s really cool that you work in radio. someday you’ll be one of the big bosses at the bbc, and i can brag i’m the guy who once murdered your terrarium. (Hocho ≊ Kitchen Knife) (Alembic )_

 

**_Me_ **

_i’ll try to remember you when i’m so famous that i’m a household name across the entire galaxy._

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_planning to suck up to the aliens once they become our overlords, are you? i should’ve known you would be on their side. (Extraterrestrial Alien )_

 

**_Me_ **

_how do you know i haven’t been on their side all this time? maybe i’m ONE OF THEM?_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_got a spaceship you can take me up in? i’ve always wanted to see outer space! (Rocket )(Milky Way )_

 

**_Me_ **

_maybe…what are you going to give me in return?_

 

 

The three dots appeared at once, as they had done throughout the conversation, but after a moment they disappeared again. _Crap_ , he thought, reading his own text back. That had been a really flirty thing to say. He hadn’t really meant to— Oh, who was he fooling. He had definitely meant to. It was just that the conversation had been flowing along so well, and it had felt like the natural next step.

 

The three dots appeared again, and then Phil’s reply popped up.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_unfortunately, i can’t offer anything as cool as a spaceship ride, but i’m sure i can find some way to pay you back. (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Smiling Eyes )_

 

 

Dan blinked several times, not sure if he was reading that right. Was that Phil flirting back? It was…wasn’t it?

 

 

**_Me_ **

_i’m listening…_

 

 

There was another pause during which the three dots appeared and disappeared a couple of times.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_i have been told i have a talent for buying cute boys coffee (Hot Beverage ) (Winking Face )_

 

 

Dan bit his lip as a little flutter of excitement passed through his stomach. That was a definite offer of a date. He couldn’t perfectly remember what Phil looked like, but he recalled pretty hands and intriguing eyes and a blinding grin.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_what a coincidence! i’ve been told that i have a talent for being bought coffees by attractive men_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_a very lucky coincidence. looking forward to that spaceship ride and coffee when you get back then. (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Smiling Eyes )_

 

**_Me_ **

_me too (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes ) _

 

 

Dan dropped his phone down on the edge of the towel and stared up at the gently-waving palm fronds overhead. It was just past noon, and the sun was high in the sky. He should have gone back inside already by now, but the warm light twinkling through the dark leaves made a pretty pattern, and he couldn’t quite drag himself away. Not just yet.

 

Had that really just happened? Had a text about his plant-sitter breaking his terrarium really turned into plans for a coffee date?

 

He still couldn’t quite believe it, but he was sure of one thing — of all the people he’d chatted up since coming on this holiday, Phil was far and away the most interesting.

 

 

**

 

 

They texted every single day of the rest of his holiday. It started that same afternoon, when he’d wandered back down to stroll along the beach after lunch and decided the view was just too gorgeous to enjoy alone. He’d texted a picture of it with the caption, “The alien home world’s got nothing on this.”

 

He’d gotten a response about twenty minutes later.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_it’s okay i guess, but look at my view (Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )_

 

 

Attached was a photo of a random street in London crowded with traffic and rain-logged pedestrians. Dan had laughed out loud with no-one but the ocean and a few sand crabs to hear him.

 

It had progressed to a few texts in the evening, just updates about where they were and what they were doing.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_two piña coladas deep at the swim-up bar. you?_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_awake at 3:00 am reading a stephen king novel and questioning my decision-making. may not sleep tonight (Fearful Face )_

 

**_Me_ **

_can’t be too scared of things going bump in the night when you’re a ghost yourself, now can you (Grimacing Face )_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_:P_

 

 

This eventually turned into long, pre-sleep conversations that ranged from exactly how much better life would be once the alien overlords were in charge to a thoughtful discussion of the environmental impacts of ecotourism to Phil’s other job making videos on YouTube.

 

By the last few days, Dan found himself texting Phil regularly throughout the day, with little updates and pictures of the cool things he was doing and seeing. He’d also begun to almost yearn to be back in England, despite Phil’s constant complaints about the weather (cloudy and humid) and the heat (insufferable). Dan was currently luxuriating in a veritable paradise on Earth, yet the prospect of being back home already was far more exciting. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why.

 

His mum actually complained that he’d become nearly impossible to get a hold of. It wasn’t that he was ignoring her texts, exactly. It’s just she wasn’t always the first one he got back to now.

 

Lying on his hotel bed on the final night of his holiday, texting back and forth with Phil about how excited his plant children were going to be to have him home again, the other man interrupted their conversation with an unexpected question.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_can i ask you something i’ve been wondering for a while?_

 

 

Dan felt a rush of anxiety that he promptly told to go shove it.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_go ahead_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_so that dick pic you sent…_

 

 

Dan groaned out loud. Fuck, he’d hoped Phil had forgotten about that by now. Ridiculous hope, really. If it had been the other way around, he’d probably be doing his best to preserve the memory of the deleted photo forever. He could easily admit that he’d wondered more than once now how Phil might look with his clothes off.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_yeah?_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_was that really an accident?_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_i won’t be upset or anything if it wasn’t. i just can’t help wondering, considering all that’s happened since. (Eyes )_

 

 

Dan stared at the words in astonishment. Good lord, is that what Phil really thought? That Dan had been trying to seduce him by sending an “accidental” picture of his package?

 

 

**_Me_ **

_it was DEFINITELY accidental. i’d taken it for someone i’d been flirting with (didn’t work out) and then, like the clumsy oaf i am, tripped and accidentally attached it to a message i was sending you. i am really, DEFINITELY not the type to send unsolicited dick pics._

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_okay, that’s good to know. it’s just…i kinda thought you were cute when we first met, and then you sent me that picture and it made me start wondering if maybe you were into me too. and maybe i decided to try talking to you about something other than the plants, just to see how it would go. so…while i’m not usually a big fan of getting random dick pics, in this case i guess i’m happy it happened. (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Smiling Eyes ) _

 

 

Dan thought back to that conversation two weeks ago, to how Phil had suddenly changed the topic for no apparent reason. He turned his face to hide a giant grin in the fluffy pillow.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_then i guess i’m happy it happened too (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes ) _

**_Me_ **

_though it was DEFINITELY DEFINITELY an accident._

 

 

_**_

 

When Dan’s Uber finally dropped him off at his apartment after the long trip back from Heathrow, he felt utterly drained. Dragging his suitcases behind him, he trudged up the million stairs to his place and then all but fell inside, leaving the luggage in the lounge and taking himself straight to the shower.

 

It wasn’t until he’d washed and put on his pjs and wandered into the kitchen for a nighttime snack that he found the note Phil had left on the counter.

 

 

_Dear Dan,_

 

_Just finished my last round with your plant babies. I woke up this morning and read the last text you sent me yesterday. Made me think that even though you were thousands of kilometers away, we didn’t feel so far apart. Anyway, do you want your key? Sorry your “special” plants are dead. :(_

 

_I’ve got to go out of town next weekend, but I’d love to see you before I leave. You can tell me everything about your trip and the coming alien invasion. Text me when you get this._

 

_xx_

_Phil_

 

 

Dan had literally completely forgotten all about the so-called “special” plants that Phil had killed. Reminded of it now, he had a burning curiosity to get to the bottom of the mystery. Phil had said they were upstairs. He guessed that meant they were in the office, but all there was up there were the— Oh. At last it clicked in Dan’s mind which plants Phil must have meant.

 

He dashed out of the kitchen and up the few stairs to the next floor. Pushing open the office door, he flicked on the lights at once, and there he saw, sitting on the sill of the single, small window, a long box where he had attempted to start an herb garden a couple of months ago. Unfortunately, the only thing that had survived was the parsley, but it had thrived and had slowly been taking over the entire box. “Had been” being the key term here — looking at the box now, it was full of only dirt and dead, brown leaves.

 

He stared at the sad-looking plants with a confused look on his face. What was so special about a bunch of parsley? He cast his mind back over his interactions with Phil, trying to find some clue. He could recall giving Phil the tour, an entire month ago now. He’d brought him up here to show him the two terraria — had he mentioned anything about the parsley then?

 

No, he’d forgotten it, though now that he thought of it, he could picture Phil standing in the doorway just behind him, staring over at the windowsill with widened eyes. He thought he’d just been looking at the view, but maybe he’d been staring at the herb garden instead?

 

And then later, when they’d been wrapping up the tour, he’d forgotten to mention it then too, and maybe that’s why Phil had hesitated when he’d said that was all… Dan’s frown deepened. That still didn’t explain why Phil had called them “special.”

 

Flicking the light off once again, Dan marched back down to his bedroom and picked his phone up from the bedside table.

 

It was only 10:00 PM. That was practically day time to him and Phil, who shared a bad habit of staying up way too late.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_just got home. rip my parsley. why did you keep calling it my “special plants”??_

 

 

He probably shouldn’t have been surprised by the immediate reply. He’d told Phil when to expect him back. Still, he grinned when the three dots promptly popped up.

 

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_PARSLEY??? ARE YOU SERIOUS?? IS THAT REALLY ALL THAT WAS???_

 

**_Me_ **

_YEAH?? WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS??_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_omfg!!!!!!!! i thought it was weed??? i mean, the leaves didn’t look quite right, but there was just so much of it, and you were all secretive about it???? it was freaking parsley???_

 

 

Dan was laughing so hard he almost dropped his phone. Dear lord what an absolute dork this guy was. What an absolutely, disgustingly adorable dork.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_my fucking god phil you thought i was paying you to take care of weed for me?? bloody hell no wonder you were so apologetic when it died. i thought you were like a plant expert?? parsley doesn’t look remotely like weed?????_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_i mean, i’m very familiar with common house plants cuz of my job, but i’ve never seen weed before?? (Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )_

 

**_Me_ **

_parsley either, i’m guessing. fucking hell._

 

 

He wiped away a few stray tears that had leaked out of his eyes and took several deep breaths.

 

 

**_Me_ **

_on a different note, i do want my key back, and i also want that coffee i was promised. can you meet tomorrow?_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_sounds perfect. what about the spaceship ride i was promised though? (Upside-Down Face )_

 

**_Me_ **

_i was thinking we could save the riding until at least the second date (Smirking Face )_

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

(Flushed Face )

 

**_Phil (Plant Guy)_ **

_sounds good to me xxxx_

 

 

Dan fell back onto the bed with his phone clutched to his chest, exhausted but beaming his head off. Aled had been right. This holiday had been exactly what he’d needed. Who would have guessed that a few dead plants, a broken terrarium, an accidental dick pic, and way too many emojis could have led here? 

 

 

**

 

 

In the morning, England was just as grey and drizzly as the Bahamas had been vibrant and sunny. Nevertheless, Dan woke with a glowing warmth inside his chest.

 

They’d arranged to meet for brunch. Neither had been patient enough to wait any longer than that.

 

It took Dan a full hour to pick his outfit, as he’d veered sharply from contentment to nervousness within a bare two minutes after waking. His carefully styled hair lasted even less time than that once he stepped outside into the drizzle. Oh, well. Hopefully Phil wouldn’t be looking too closely at his hair.

 

The coffee shop was almost empty. Must not be many people willing to brave the rain on a Thursday morning.

 

Phil was already there, seated in one of two armchairs in a cozy corner. He raised a hand and waved, his grin dazzling Dan all over again. Who needed the Bahamas when you had a smile like that to bask in?

 

He got his coffee and a scone and then wended his way through the sea of lonely tables to where Phil was sitting.

 

“Glad to see you didn’t drown on your way here,” he remarked, smirking over the rim of his coffee mug as Dan settled into the opposite chair.

 

“It was a close thing,” Dan said, shaking his head. “Luckily I’d remembered to pack my life vest.”

 

Phil chuckled, a twinkle in his eye, and just like that all of Dan’s nervousness melted away.

 

Three hours, two scones, and a pistachio muffin later, Phil sighed and said he really had to get going. He still had some packing to do. Dan checked his phone then, shocked at how much time had passed. Hadn’t he only just sat down?

 

“Oh, here’s your key,” Phil told him as they both stood and stretched cramped leg muscles.

 

Dan looked over and watched as the other man pulled the key from his pocket and held it out. Dan reached for it, and their fingers brushed. It was only the second time they had ever touched, and the contact sent pleasant tingles rippling across the skin of Dan’s hand. He looked up into Phil’s eyes and saw his own excitement mirrored in them.

 

Suddenly Phil was leaning in, and Dan instinctively closed his eyes. Then there were warm lips pressing against his, and now the tingles seemed to be spreading everywhere. The lips disappeared all too quickly, and he opened his eyes to see Phil’s grin shining at him again.

 

“I’m glad we met,” Dan murmured. “Even if my parsley had to pay the ultimate price for it.”

 

Phil ducked his head, a faint color rising in his cheeks.

 

“I wish I didn’t have to leave this weekend,” he murmured back. “See you again soon?”

 

Dan’s smile deepened.

 

“How does Monday sound?”


End file.
